Everyone, in their personal history, develops a behavioral style that will significantly affect the quality of their interpersonal relationships by offering a precise image of self every day.
Underlying the four proposed models of communication, there are different ways of perceiving, behaving and perceiving others, each of which represents the individual’s ability to accept oneself and the other, to express themselves, to manage conflicts, and to assert their own rights.
Developing an adequate, functional and effective communicative style attenuates stress, calms anxiety, raises mood, increases self-esteem, and reduces anger.
Here are the 4 behavioral styles that could describe your way of being, communicating and reporting:
1) Passive style
The passive mode, typical of those who manifest the tendency to undergo situations without apparent reactions, is descriptive of people with considerable difficulty in affirming their own ideas, always prefiguring the needs of the other.
At the basis of this relational and communicative strategy, there is the desire to be accepted and evaluated positively by all; avoiding being involved in conflicts and fleeing any situation that can generate criticism or guilt.
This style sees its origin in degrading parental figures and with the tendency to inhibit the direct expression of others’ desires.
To be passive means experiencing a sense of inadequacy towards oneself, incarnating more and more the garment of the good person, remorseful and free from hostile impulses around the world.
Their behavior, constantly devalued, is manifested through the following difficulties …
- Do not be able to express your own needs;
- Failure to make requests;
- Set aside your own needs and rights;
- Subire the others;
- Difficulty saying no;
- Difficulty in communicating their feelings;
- Need someone else’s approval;
- Depend on the judgment of others;
- Be afraid to go wrong;
- Feel that others are better;
- Identify “guilty” in their personal history;
- Have difficulties in making decisions;
- Directing anger towards Himself rather than toward others;
- Feel frustrated and unhappy.
2) Aggressive style
An aggressive behavioral style , characterized by the tendency to affirm itself and its needs in an arrogant, overwhelming and empathic way to the desires of others, is characterized by the need to provide a social image of strength, authenticity, determination and directivity.
The primary purpose of this approach is to hide vulnerabilities, fragility and inadequacy through compensatory strategies.
Aggressive relational modes denotes a deep desire to dominate others, a need to be recognized as unique and special, and a rooted will to conceal their fear of appearing weak.
Other people, perceived as hostile, generate the desire to defend themselves and protect themselves within the relationship, trying to assert their desires and forcing the surrounding world to adapt to their own will.
Such behavioral style could see its origins in punitive and excessively normative educational styles, within which there was no room for negotiation and expression of emotional experiences that denoted weakness.
The aggressive mode is manifested through …
- Wanting others to behave as you please;
- Do not be able to change your opinions;
- Decide for others without listening to them;
- Do not accept to be wrong;
- Do not recognize the rights of others;
- Do not apologize;
- Do not listen while others talk;
- Frequently interrupt your interlocutor;
- Be guilty or devalued;
- Critically criticize and judge who surrounds you;
- Consider the best.
3) Handling style
Aggressiveness, very frequently, is manifested through passive, remorseful, guilty and tacit modes, damaging the other indirectly.
The modes of expression of their needs characterized by sarcasm, irony, allusions, tears and endless silences, are descriptive of a manipulative behavioral style.
Within this framework, guilt inducing is certainly a fundamental dimension, generating within emotional blackhead interpersonal relationships.
A manipulative modus might have the following features …
- To cry often in order to arouse reactions of concern and guilt in the other;
- Apply emotionally;
- Frequently use sarcasm, irony and allusions;
- Try to make others feel unique and special;
- Self-assessments in order to receive support;
- Lack of consistency between the verbal and the non-verbal plan (i.e. say “yes” leaving “no”);
- Do the martyr;
- Put others at ease, making their possible refusal difficult (e.g. “if you really want me then …”, “if I was in your shoes, of course …”, “if it does not help, it will be a disaster”);
- Take advantage of other vulnerabilities;
- Say only the part of truth that proposes a positive image of you;
- Show yourself emotionally, physically and psychologically weak.
4) Assistive style
The assertive person is the one who manages to effectively mediate between one’s needs and those of others, without renouncing the free expression of emotions and thoughts.
In addition to having an awareness of his rights, he enjoys a positive self-image and communicative freedom, managing to manage conflicts and interpersonal frictions in a functional way.
Assertive behavior implies recognition of one’s own desires and, in terms of reciprocity, a valorization of the internal life of others.
This communicational style, representing an adaptive compromise between passive-manipulative and aggressive mode, is characterized by responsibility for their actions and authentic expression of their own lives.
To be assertive means …
- Express your needs and needs;
- Take responsibility for your actions;
- Accept the criticism of others;
- Accepting the external point of view;
- Offer behavior critique (“You made a mistake”) and not about the person (“You’re the usual cretin”);
- Avoid generalizations (“Always Wrong”);
- Do not make others perpetually guilty;
- Actively listen;
- Be ready to change your mind;
- Do not allow others to be manipulative;
- Expressing your anger in a functional and assertive way;
- Communicate your emotions;
- Assess yourself adequately;
- Be able to mediate.
Being “good” to be loved or being “bad” to be respected?
Only by tolerating the risk of disliking, being judged bad or appearing, we can develop authentic and mature relationships, freeing us from the weight of masks that are increasingly beginning to look like golden jails.
Being yourself means accepting the possibility of being rejected, putting aside a toxic complacency and an aggressiveness without which you would feel weak or vulnerable.
Your communicational and behavioral style, whatever it is, can be modified, learned and refined, developing strategies aimed at promoting interpersonal wellbeing.
It is very easy to recognize the way people around you are, much more complicated, instead of being aware of your way of being, thus accepting the idea that they are not just the others who have to change.
Jack Mathew is an avid enthusiast of all things health and nutrition related, and often called a health geek by colleagues and friends. He is also contributor on a natural remedies blog, and he is now researching on kratom effects for more researching for better use.