What is the secret of happy relationships?  

Is not humanity curious?  There are so many people who spend their lives in a crazy race against the clock, immersed in the routine, occupied doing thousands of things, and in free time, they are distracted in front of the TV, connected to Facebook or surrounded by people, noise and dull By alcohol or drugs. In this maelstrom of doing and not being, the essential is lost, which is not outside but inside.

You have to start at home.

The loneliness can be frightening for some people who just to be accompanied, sacrifice the quality of relationships. This fear of loneliness often reflects that deep down; there is the fear of coming in contact with the most intimate emotions, which can be unpleasant or painful. It is preferable, then, to be distracted or to fall asleep with external things…

But if emotional needs are not listened to and cared for, if we do not accept ourselves unconditionally with our weaknesses and strengths, we will walk through life using a mask, pretending to be what we are not to seek in others the acceptance that we ourselves deny.

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The human being is not born being an emotional zombie. Babies do not judge their emotions; they simply feel them and express them. Unfortunately, it can happen that during the process of socialization, the child is ignored, hurt, ridiculed or abused. Before this, the only recourse it has is to bury in the unconscious the pain it experiences because the little one still depends on the others to feel worthy of love and respect. But when it comes to adulthood, it is imperative to take responsibility for emotional health and deal with healing the wounds and filling the needs of the inner child.  Otherwise, you will live with an internal void that you will try to fill in vain with superficial or inauthentic relationships.

The cup has to overflow

Our primary task, then, is to learn to see, love and value the most precious thing we have, which is our essence. The more we learn to love ourselves, the greater is the desire to share our love with others, because authentic love is expansive in nature.  This shock wave is unstoppable, and it is then inevitable to want to share this love with others, but not from the emptiness and the mask, but from fullness and authenticity.

The reason for a relationship is to learn, grows, love, have fun and enjoy each other’s company because, at the end of the day, our true mission in this world is to expand our capacity to love, both ourselves and others. When we understand and live by that mission, we discover that loving authentically and unconditionally is the greatest treasure we can find.

There is no luxury, no pleasure, no achievements, no possessions, and no riches that can replace the fullness that produces true unconditional love. But we have to start by loving and accepting ourselves. Loving one provides each member of the couple with the security and trust that is usually sought in the other. But, instead of trying to get love from the other, and even demanding it, they share the love they have for themselves with their partner. Ironically, they are giving the other what they have always wanted from this one, but which they were not able to give before.

Self- abandonment and self-rejection are one of the biggest causes of couples’ failure, and learning to love one really helps to heal relationships. Loving is the most wonderful thing there is, but you cannot give what you do not have. Until we learn to love ourselves, we cannot love the other.

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